KTRP PRESENTS: THE MORNING GRIND'S "FAILS OF CHRISTMAS PAST"!
Merry Christmas, everybody! The fine folks at KTRP, Your Home For The Holidays, have one more present for all you good boys and girls to unwrap on this fine holiday morning! You may recall a few weeks ago that we asked you dear listeners for some of your humorous holiday tales of woe, and we've brought them to life on this very special Christmas broadcast of Gary The Grinder's The Morning Grind in a little show we call Fails Of Christmas Past! But that's not all, friends! As a festive little bonus, your pals Gore and Carey, "The Gruesome Twosome" (who are sitting in for poor Gary, who's a little under the weather) even discuss 1989's made-for-television holiday misfire, It Nearly Wasn't Christmas, starring the late Charles Durning as a borderline-suicidal Santa Claus accompanying an annoying little girl on a cross-country journey to reunite her with her deadbeat musician father, who happens to played by one of those damned Osmond siblings for no good reason. Perhaps you remember this pathetic excuse for holiday entertainment from your youth, and perhaps you even remember it fondly. In that case, you're going to be a little disappointed with Gore and Carey's opinions on It Nearly Wasn't Christmas, but if you haven't seen this movie since you were a dumb child, you might want to take off those rose-colored glasses and revisit the horror this holiday season before you judge the Gruesome Twosome too harshly.
The broadcast is below for your enjoyment, and you can also find it on Apple, Google, Pocket Casts, RadioPublic, Spotify, Anchor and Amazon, so choose your own adventure and celebrate Christmas the correct way with your friends at KTRP!
(DISCLAIMER: the KTRP transmitter was damaged during an overnight storm and consequently today's broadcast of The Morning Grind may experience intermittent audio drop-outs. We apologize sincerely for these issues and are working tirelessly to repair the transmitter and have chosen to remain on the air in order to provide important news and weather updates to the metro area on this Christmas Day. Happy holidays! -Management)
Join the conversation! Leave a comment below telling us what you think of the latest episode. How are we doing? Let us know! And while you're here, have you heard any cool music lately? Seen any killer movies? Read any awesome books? Tell us all about it! We'd love to hear your recommendations! If you're feeling a bit more wordy, feel free to send us an email, which we always appreciate. And don't forget to follow us on Instagram for the complete TRAPPO experience!
Thanks for listening and Happy Holidays!
Someone literally says the word literally literally too many times. By the time this was over, I literally never wanted to hear the word literally ever again. Literally.
ReplyDeleteWas the damaged transmitter thing an excuse you made up to hide problems with the recording? If so, I guess that works. It was fun. You guys talked a little too much about nothing up front, but I enjoyed the show.
ReplyDeleteI've never seen It Nearly Wasn't Christmas, and you gentlemen painted such a vivid picture of the film that now I never need to see it. I've basically already seen this movie thanks to the Gruesome Twosome, so that saves me some time. Who needs to watch a sad sack Santa Claus moping in Utah for two hours, anyway? I enjoy the fake radio thing, and I hope this becomes a semi-regular thing on TRAPPO.
ReplyDeleteI actually did get blackout drunk with a girl who said she got disowned by her strict Jewish father on Christmas Eve in college. She really did rip me off, and she left a note on my door that read “Happy Hanukkah, Asshole”. How dare you accuse me, Bimmy, of telling lies. That’s the only interesting Christmas thing that ever happened to me. Every other holiday season thus far has been incredibly uneventful. Not bad, just nothing particularly exciting or interesting.
ReplyDeleteI got a bike when I was 10. My dad spent two hours putting it together while my mom was cooking a turkey. Is that what you wanted to hear? He swore a few times because he got pretty frustrated. Exciting stuff, TRAPS.
I thought the girl was cute. She seemed interested in me. I was a dumb teenager who wanted to get laid on Christmas, and I paid dearly for listening to my dick and not my brain. Shit happens, I guess.
I couldn’t tell my parents that story. I just told them someone broke into my dorm while I was out eating dinner. I don’t think they listen to TRAPPO, so I’m pretty sure my secret is safe for now.
You can tell that prick Gore that if I ever meet him on the street I’ll punch him right in his smug face for accusing me of lying. I’ll kill that son of a bitch for besmirching my character. Gary The Grinder would have believed me.
I would like to see Blood Under The Mistletoe. That movie sounds like a lot of fun.
When do we get to actually hear an episode of The Real Face Of America? I would like to hear "murder on candy cane lane" sometime.
ReplyDeleteThis stuff isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. It’s just not worth it for me to listen to. Try not to be so much of a jerk when you are making your show.
ReplyDeleteYou know how people are always surprised when they hear their own voice, like there's no way they can actually sound like that? Maybe it was the connection, but I really never thought I sounded like a goddamned chipmunk until now. I know they used to air It Nearly Wasn't Christmas on Disney Channel for a while. That's where I watched it, anyway. Somehow, I never noticed before that Santa Claus had a Cambodian dictator on his payroll in this movie. That was a plot twist. Thanks for bringing that to my attention this holiday season. Santa Claus was such a one-note sad bastard in this movie that he actually dragged the story down on more than one occasion. He's just so disillusioned and depressed and grumpy throughout the narrative that I just wanted that little girl to punch him in the dick and tell him to get over himself.
ReplyDeleteThere's actually a dialogue exchange between Santa and little Jennifer after something wonderful happens that should have reaffirmed his belief in the better nature of the human race, and Jennifer tells him as much, then he just shrugs and tells her that he's still not convinced, looking like a glum asshole, and that's like the end of the scene. What a fucking prick. You know what, Santa? Maybe you're the real problem here, pal.
Yule was phenomenal this year. I think I drank enough hot buttered rum to kill a small horse. We tried something different and did an elaborate enchanted tavern romance LARP thing overnight, and from what I remember it was a fucking blast. You know your LARP has hit next level territory when the bard breaks out an antique hurdy-gurdy and starts performing "Closer" in a way that Trent Reznor would never even dare to imagine.
Thanks for the entertaining show, as usual, TRAPS. It was a lot of fun to listen to on Christmas. I'd ask for more KTRP ASAP, but I know that's getting greedy. So just let me know when Gary's back on the Morning Grind, because I've got some ribald new stories to share.
KEEP IT WEIRD!
I remember some story from my home town about some kid from a poor family who swallowed a jawbreaker whole and almost choked, but he survived. When he was in his early twenties, he had severe abdominal pain and collapsed at the grocery store where he worked, so he was rushed to the hospital and the doctors thought he had an appendicitis so they operated. What they found was that fucking jawbreaker stuck in some pocket in his colon. Over the years bits of food got stuck to the jawbreaker in that pocket, which just kept growing, and one day it got infected and nearly killed him. What the doctors pulled out of his gut was a mass of congealed food and bacteria about the size of a golf ball that was slowly killing this guy. He made a full recovery.
ReplyDeleteIt Nearly Wasn't Christmas is pathetic. My little sister was obsessed with that movie when we were kids. She had our dad record it on VHS and she would watch it all the time. She thought it was the coolest thing, and I don't understand why. It's so boring and cheap and stupid. I was a kid and it bored me to tears. I havnt'e asked her about it in years. I'm curious if she even remembers it now. Maybe she blocked it from her memory, but I might surprise her with a YouTube link, see if she'll make it through the first 15 minutes without checking out and calling her younger self a dumb asshole for ever enjoying that crap.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite Christmas movie is It Nearly Wasn’t Christmas. I’m just kidding. Only stupid, stupid people would think this is a good movie. My favorite Christmas movie is actually National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It’s just too funny. I know Christmas is over and all, so you may not be into talking about it, but what are your favorites Christmas movies? I want to know, anyway. It’s an interesting question.
ReplyDeleteEveryone knows A Christmas Carol. And there have been around 10,000 adaptations of the story on film and television since the invention of cinema. So my question is: which is your favorite? Mine is the musical “Scrooge” with Albert Finney as the title character. Tell me, TRAPS. Which adaptation tugs at your heartstrings the most?
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